Take a Hint, Will Ya!
by CandyCornWitch
Summary: Oh, poor, poor Bella. She just can't take a hint, can she? Well, you should feel worse for Edward, because he's the one with a psycho, emo stalker after him who won't take 'no' for an answer!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters  
**

**Thanks to CosmicEdge for editing and revising:)**

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Hello. My name is Isabella Swan, but call me Bella or suffer MAJOR CONSEQUENSES . Anyway, I just moved to this retarded town named Forks. It is a remote town up in Washington. It is only sunny like, three times a year, and, I have to live with my slug of a dad, Charlie Swan, Chief of Police. I am not allowed to call him Charlie to his fat face, but I do it anyway. Yay Me!

So I go to school the next day, and I see this so freaking hot man. I ask Jess (my closest and newest friend here in stupid Forks.) She said his name was Edward. Sounds like Edwardo. We'll work on that. anyway, since boys love me, ( At least, my last 8 boyfriends did until they told me I had become unbearable and said the only way to end their pain was to commit suicide. But it's cool, because I know they meant they couldn't live with being my boyfriend because they weren't good enough for me.) I used my signature "I'm sexy and I know it " strut and within seconds I was all over him.

"Hiiiiiiii" I said ( if you drag it out, they think your dumb, and hot boys love dumb girls)

"Hello," he replied.

"My name is Bella," I giggled, twirling my hot brown hair. "What's yours?"

"Edward," he answered, "Now go away."

"But I love you Edward! I unconditionally love you!"

"Well I hate dumb girls, and try not to bathe in perfume. It smells awful." He covered his nose. "Leave me alone."

I huffed and flounced away. Before that moment, every boy I had asked out in the past 6 years said yes on the spot. I couldn't understand it. ( Well, my last boyfriend said I did fall in love to fast, then he said that's an understatement.) But I will have Edward, if it is the last thing I freaking do in this horrible life of mine.

The next day I followed Edward around until he caught me hiding behind a bush and watching him. He yelled, "Stalker! Leave me alone! I want nothing to do with you!" I pretended to be embarrassed and walked away before ducking behind a brick wall. I proceeded to follow him in secret. (Another thing all my ex-boyfriends said was that I was to persistent)

He went to the mortician, then the blood bank, and then his whole family piled in their jeep and set up into the mountains. I was not suspicious of one little thing.

The next day, I knew what he was. I approached him in a alley. I told him what I thought he was.

"Edward, you are a vampire." I whispered, moving closer.

"What took you so long, Bella crap for brains?" he said. "I mean, you saw me drain a lion when you buckled yourself to the Jeep." Oh, yeah, I remember! "Which reminds me, I'm thinking of getting a restraining order against you."

He is so in denial.

"Forget that, the point is you're a vampire!"

"Are you afraid?" he purred.

"No." I breathed. Damn, I sounded sexy!

"I am dangerous."

"So is a rifle," I pulled one out - is there nothing hotter than me with a gun? I accidentally pulled the trigger, but I ignored the recoil and lead in my hand. "But I'm not afraid of that."

"Really? You should be because you just shot your hand."

I smiled dreamily. "I love pain. Physical pain is the only thing that takes my mind off you, Edward!"

He looked kind of scared. "YOU'VE KNOWN ME FOR TWO DAYS!"

"But we're obviously soul mates, Edward!" I cried. "" You're the only thing that stops me from making myself bleed!"

"Wait, Bella, are you an emo?" He sounded shocked.

"Maybe," I replied in a cutesy flirty way.

"Do you cut yourself?"

"Yes, but it feels so good!"

"I don't like emos." He glared at me. Well, someone's playing hard to get.

"So I won't be one! I'll stop for you, my love!"

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes and stalked off. God, he's hot! No matter what, he will be mine!

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The next day in school, we were asked to draw a diagram of a frog and label the incisions we were to make.

"Hey," my soon-to-be-lover whispered. "Can I borrow some colored pencils?"

I said sure, of course, and added, "They are Emo Brand colored pencils. They come in 23 shades of black and 19 shades of grey."

He looked confused. "But aren't there only 2 shades of black and 1 shade of grey?"

" NO!" I screamed, ignoring everyone who looked at me as I yelled at my stupid vampire boyfriend who's obviously obsessed with me.

"There is black, off black, medium black, light black (Which is really a darker version of very, very, VERY dark grey) rip my heart out black, black hole black, suicide black, depression black, heartless black, soulless black, dark black, very dark black, very, VERY dark black, Jack Black black, blood black, evil black, stalker black, dub step black, Justin Bieber black (You know, like his soul?) midnight black, shadow black, coal black and lights out black!"

Edward didn't speak for a while. Everyone stared at me. "O-kay then," he said hesitantly before darting for the door, screaming.

"Wait!," I cried "I didn't get to the grays!"


End file.
